hey everyone, ya i know its been away since i wrote last time. well not all that much has happen since last month. but pats grounded away. i cant see him or talk to him until December 1. we dont even know why he got grounded in the first place. we cant understand really. but his dad took everything away from him. his tv, computer, home phone, me, his life. everything. i honestly ant stand his father but what am i to do? nothing really. i just have to wait until dec. 1 and then we are actually able to see and talk to each other outside of school. the only way i can talk to him is if he calls me early in the morning, late at night, and when his father isnt home and teresa too. but anyways, there are our cell phones but they got cut off until my father decides to pay the bill again until then i just have to wait to talk to him. so not being able to talk or see pat really sucks but if i sit here and let it get me all down like last time the time will be sooo slow. so im trying not to let it get to me so the time will seem alot faster then 2 1/2 months. but i still love him and i will always love him. he is my life and ill o anything for him, what can i say? im deeply in love with him and only 2 months and one week its our one year anniversary (which i cant see or tal to him then either----cry----tears all falling down my cheeks) thats the most hardest part but there isnt a thing i can actually do about it. but i still love him. there really isnt anything else i can think if at this moment to write about so ill go now. buh byes. and baby i love you and i will always love you no matter what happens. you are always in my heart and thoughts. i love you. forever and a day remember? love you sexy. and hi tori.....and james. hope you two are doing good. im getting better. love you girl. bye.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~I LOVE YOU PATRICK THOMAS EHAS & ALWAYS WILL PROMISE~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~*~*~*~I CAN NEVER LEAVE YOU BABY YOU CAN TRUST ME ON THAT  ONE . I FOREVER WILL BE YOURS TO CALL UPON AND TO LOVE ON EVEN TO THE DAY WE DIE. I LOVE YOU AND NEVER FORGET THAT.~*~*~*~

well tomorrow is the day i get my puppy. pat keeps saying that its going to be is but i dont think so!!!! its my puppy, yes he can play with it and help me take care of me but he cannot keep my baby. thats my puppy. and hopefully he trreats my puppy and kitty the same way. i just cant wait until tomorrow, i get my puppy. i hope that they do get alone together, they should but ill see.

oh for everyone that is going back to ROBINSON this year dont you have a surprise when you see me. lets just put it this way i dont look the same from last year. just a few more days......YAY!!!...not really. i dont want to go back to school. but this is my last year, thank god.

i still dont know about the job. i hope that i get a call soon. if i dont then ill call and find out whats going on. i really do need that job. for the next 2 weeks we have no money cuz my dad had to pay for my stepmother's plane ticket to the phillipines. it cost him more than half his paycheck. so if i want to do anything for the next 2 weeks i have to work for my money. so please let me get the job and i have 2 animals to take care of.

me and pat are doing good. im able to see him tomorrow. he got into trouble for driving my car without a license or a permit. i feel bad that he got into trouble. its my fault that he got into trouble but he doesnt think that it is. and believe it or not me and pat have  been together for 8 months and 5 days. god does it feel good to have him and know that he loves me and wont hurt me at all i really do love him alot.

well i think that i have wrote alot already. ill write back in a few more days. buh bye. talk to you guys later.

~*~*~*~britt~*~*~*~

current mood: ditzy

life is still just as boring as before, nothing all that new. im happy that my best friend vicky is moving closer to me again. she is too. me her and tara cant wait, we are going to have alot of fun. it will be like none of us home, really ever.

 i was talking to pat and my mother today and he is starting to call her mom. that was a little shocking cuz only my girls have ever called her mom before, but its also a wonderful feeling. my mom was shocked and she told me today that she can see us getting married and everything. thats still a long time away -5 or 6 years-......after college....... but its just a weird thing to hear my mom say that and to also know that my father agrees and that both of my parents approve of my baby. that just makes me extremely happy. pat and my dad are always joking around with each other. they are always going back and forth on craking jokes on each other. pat did a real good one earlier on my dad about his chocolate.....lol.

 me and pat are doing good. we have been having little fights and agruements more often. i honestly dont like them but it seems like everyday we are getting into them. i cant stand them and i knnow that he cant either but its like we are always getting into one someway or another. i honestly do hate them and i want them to go away. i just cant understand why they are coming up more and more every week or so. i can only think that since i cant really see my baby anymore its like we agrue more. i remember when we have never fought and then shortly after he got grounded for the first 2 months its like we started to argue a whole lot. i just cant stand it anymore. thats all i hear in my household, i dont want it to happen between me and my baby. sometimes i get sooo scared that im afraid the fights are going to go to far and one of us breaks up with the other. i dont want that to happen. im so afraid that it will happen and im not for sure what to do. and the only times we fight or agrue is when i blow up about everything. im scared and i dont know what i should do. well, i feel extremely drained from all this heat so imma go. buh byes.

~*~*~*~britt~*~*~*~

*_____________I LOVE PAT_____________*

current mood: drained

everyday its the same old same old, i wake up in an ok mood sometimes the bestest mood ever but no matter what by the time i go to bed im in the most bitchest mood ever. i know that there are a few things that are helping me become all bitchy but i just cant understand why is it the same thing every single day. sometimes i just wish that i could ball up into a little ball under something so i couldnt be found and no one can bother me. BUT i cant. i have to much shit that i have to worry about and its just driving me fucking crazy. i just wish that sometimes i could just yell at ppl to leave me the fuck alone and i dont need their fucking drama but i cant, i cant do that to my friends. and now with me being all bitchy i know that its pissing my baby off. sometimes it fells like hes just going to blow up at me about it but i know that he wont. it feels like everything is just really trying to break me down until im nothing. what does everyone want from me? do you just want me to leave and never come back? i can easily do that. there are 2 different ways, dieing or moving away so NO ONE can find me. but i CANT!!!!!!!! i cant leave my baby i love him and im sorry for being such a bitch but damn, everyone is making my life like a hell hole. i just feel like they have dug a huge hole and they are all up above me laughing at me because i cant get up, and the more they do to hurt me the further i fall into the hole. and it seems like the only person trying to get me out is pat. but im to far for him to reach me but sometimes he does help me out and i do come out but i always get knocked back in, but WHO CARES?!?!?!?!?! it seems like no one does but my baby. why is everyone doing this to me, its like i cant breath without getting even more pissed off but what can i do? sometimes i do sit here and wonder, what if i wasnt here, what if something happened to me and i die, how would people react? i think the only person who it would really have an affect on will be my baby. possibly my 2 best friends but thats it. my family, HELL NO, im just a huge problem for them, everything i do is wrong to them, its like i cant do anything without getting bitched at form them. nothing is ever good enough for them, its like im the worst person in my family, even though....i dont do drugs, i dont get into trouble with the law, and i have good grades and im going to college, but who is actually proud of me? i cant think of anyone but my baby. why do i have to live this life, the only good thing in my life is my baby and i would be lost without him but who really knows that? NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i honestly hate myself and i honestly think that im not the best person for pat. come on, i know that he loves me but sometimes when i cant even deal with myself he can still deal with me and i know that i bitch alot when im all depressed and i cant understand half the time how can someone deal with that much from one person? he deals with alot from me and i dont mean to be such a bitch to him, its not him that pisses me off and he knows that but i know that he hears it all, every last bit of it when im pissed, and im sorry baby. i really am. and i know that he could find someone better then me, someone who wont bitch at him and who wont worry about alot of things, he needs someone better then me in my own eyes but he has told me over and over and over again that he cant find no one better then me. he loves me and he always will no matter what happens. i know that he is telling me that from the bottom of his heart. he also tells me that i could do better then him but i know that i cant. i love him and i know that i derserve him, and he derserve me. we both have been through alot and we are helping each other through everything and loving each other every step of the way, but honestly, what can i do about all this shit going on, i just can not deal with it, it will come back up and bite me in the ass. im all confused and depressed. if anyone has any good comments to help me through this then please help me but if you are going to be a really ass----you know who you are *anonymous person*------then just pass me by. thanks.

~*~*~*~britt~*~*~*~

current mood: depressed