moon_angel_728

Just updating about my pregnancy

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 15:30:31 GMT

Well 8 1/2 months today. The contractions are getting stronger, longer, and coming more often. I go back to the doctors on Monday for my last sonagram and also to see if she is coming this week. Yes I did say this week. The doctor was talking about we mit have her this week if I have dialted any. He thinks once I start it will be no time at all until I am fully done and then Chloe will be born. I'll update again tomorrow and let you guys know if she'll be here this week or not. well g2g, bye for now.

memories

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 13:35:12 GMT

If you are reading this, leave one memory of you and me together! It doesn't matter if I know you a little or a lot, anything you remember! Next, post this in your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you.

i havent been able to write in a long time.

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 16:13:44 GMT

I am now 5 1/2 months pregnant and I am having a little girl. I am naming her Chloe Rena, my due date is April 18th. The entire pregnancy thing is a bit weird for me. But in all honestly I like it alot, it's cool to feel her move around and kick me. It's a feeling thats too great to actually explain. I just cant wait until she gets here in spring.

I use to live in Florida and now I am living in Ohio. I am actually doing really well. I am getting everything ready for my little one. I am also looking for a college that i can start going to in the fall of 06. I miss all my friends in Tampa, but I will be down in May to see everyone and they get to see my baby when I get there. Well I dont know what all to say right now.

long time no talk

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 23:07:34 GMT

hey everyone. well it has been forever since i have posted in here. well i joined the navy and i leave August 9. only two more months of being here in tampa and im gone. wont see me for a year. im happy about it but all at the same time im sad. its really weird for me to explain it. but in other news, im worried about me and patrick. i have been thinking whether or not it is really worth al this pain and hurting just to be with him. i do love him very much but i feel like we are growing apart and to far to really fix anything. i dont want to lose him but at the same time i dont want to be all down and depressed because of everything. i really need help. if anyone has any advice at all please let me know. im hurting and confused alot. thanks. britt

who would of ever thought?

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 03:14:26 GMT

hey everyone. how are you? i guess that im ok. i am a little depressed. well as most of my friends knows that me and patrick went on a break on saturday. and today after school we agreed to break up. and when he gets off of groundation we will talk about us again. we need our time alone and aprat from each other to get this relationship back to the way it was in the beginning. i hope that this works out and we brother agreed on the fact that we both are going to see other people and see how everything works out. imma miss having him by me and that the fact that he really isnt mine anymore but hey want am i to do? you have to do what you have to do just to get things to work out right? well imma go i can feel the tears coming down my cheeks again. buh bye. and tori call me we need to talk about you. i love patrick thoomas ehas. hopefully everything works out.

brittany danielle olson

does anyone have any advice?

Mon, 04 Oct 2004 01:30:58 GMT

well pats not grounded until december anymore. now its to january. ya i know oh so much fun. and its all because he didnt want to get into trouble when his father got home and the yard wasnt cut. so i stopped by to give him money for gas and his dad came home and grounded him even even longer...great huh?

but im lost i dont know what i am going to do anymore. i honestly dont want to lose him but with the way things are going it honestly seems like i am and sometimes i feel like i should end our relationship because it would be soo much easier on him. i can tell his dad or his g/f doesnt care for me. and the onnly reason they are grounding him for so long is because they dont like me and to me and a few more people is that they are trying to break us up and its actually working. come on, we are growing apart, all we do is fight and i cant sleep, im depressed. and when i do go to sleep all i do is cry. ya i dont want pat knowing all this but i cant seem to come out and actually ask for help to someones face because alot of people thing that we dont fight. but thats all we are doing, i try not to hide it and i know that im good at that but im tired of hiding it. please someone help me. i dont know what to do anymore. im lost and scared. im so close to say fuck everything and just let him go so he can be let free from all this pain cuz i know without me in his life it would be much more easier on him. but i cant do that cuz it will break me and i wouldnt be myself ever again. sometimes i wonder what would it be like if i just took my life. his life would be so much better. but im lost and im depressed and im not thinking right. someone please help me i need advice...big time out of any. thanx. brittany danielle olson

man i feel like dieing

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 22:36:04 GMT

hey everyone.
god. right now im just at home typing go figure right? lol. but anyways a few good things are happening right now. i finally got a job. i work at dominos pizza. ill be working about 15 to 20 hours a week and getting paid about 5.15 an hour. not much but hey at least its money. i should be bring home over one hundred dollar pay checks. so i can actually go get pat his gifts for our one year anniversary coming up. it sucks that i cant see him one that day but i will see him about a week afterwards and we will celebrate. he cant get a job to get me anything that he wanted to but thats ok. at least i can be with him. its not his fault that his dad is a real dick. plus his da told him that he could see me on our anniversary tomorrow, its our 10th month, but his dad said no and who knows why, god i cant stand mark at times. but at least my mind wont be just thinking about being with him and feeling all depressed about not seeing him. ill be busy about getting my job done.
i just am going to be depressed over the entire situatition with pat and his father. i really do miss him and i hate being away from him but there really isnt anything i can do about the entire thing.well imma go for now imma go ahead and call tori and talk to her about tonight. bye people.

finally im posting

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 23:19:11 GMT

hey everyone, ya i know its been away since i wrote last time. well not all that much has happen since last month. but pats grounded away. i cant see him or talk to him until December 1. we dont even know why he got grounded in the first place. we cant understand really. but his dad took everything away from him. his tv, computer, home phone, me, his life. everything. i honestly ant stand his father but what am i to do? nothing really. i just have to wait until dec. 1 and then we are actually able to see and talk to each other outside of school. the only way i can talk to him is if he calls me early in the morning, late at night, and when his father isnt home and teresa too. but anyways, there are our cell phones but they got cut off until my father decides to pay the bill again until then i just have to wait to talk to him. so not being able to talk or see pat really sucks but if i sit here and let it get me all down like last time the time will be sooo slow. so im trying not to let it get to me so the time will seem alot faster then 2 1/2 months. but i still love him and i will always love him. he is my life and ill o anything for him, what can i say? im deeply in love with him and only 2 months and one week its our one year anniversary (which i cant see or tal to him then either----cry----tears all falling down my cheeks) thats the most hardest part but there isnt a thing i can actually do about it. but i still love him. there really isnt anything else i can think if at this moment to write about so ill go now. buh byes. and baby i love you and i will always love you no matter what happens. you are always in my heart and thoughts. i love you. forever and a day remember? love you sexy. and hi tori.....and james. hope you two are doing good. im getting better. love you girl. bye.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~I LOVE YOU PATRICK THOMAS EHAS & ALWAYS WILL PROMISE~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~*~*~*~I CAN NEVER LEAVE YOU BABY YOU CAN TRUST ME ON THAT ONE . I FOREVER WILL BE YOURS TO CALL UPON AND TO LOVE ON EVEN TO THE DAY WE DIE. I LOVE YOU AND NEVER FORGET THAT.~*~*~*~

fuck this world!!!!!

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 02:14:02 GMT

im tired of everything. i want the hell out of here, honestly what else is here in tampa for me? NOTHING, the only thing that i see is that all thats here for me is pain and more fucking pain. can someone just please take me out of here? i cant do anything right anymore. i try to make everything good and peachy but no i get fucked n the ass. and im sorry tori and pat but like i am always saying and will forever be saying this.....'EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS MY FUCKING FAULT'. i just cant take it anymore. people at school, people who live by me, my family, its just everything is getting to me. im ready to just see hiw a knive will feel on my skin again, i have a bunch around me, once wont hurt will it? im so ready to just say fuck everything. im a total screw-up and i cant do anything right no matter how hard i try, fuck!! i wish guys would just stop trying to hit on me come on i have pat and im not going to let him go, i dont care what you do. no one knows how i feel. i just want out of here. its to much for me. i can never have a good day. i cant just do what i want to anymore. im getting bitched at everytime i turn my ass around. and it hurts to see that some chicks are fucking around with pat, hes mine, im his, dont rip us apart. i love him with all my heart, if i lose him there goes my life and everything i believed in. and im sorry for people who think that im controlling him or that im only thinking about myself, but before you go ASSUMING, get your facts right. m tired of it. i feel like a slave and that i have no life. i want the fuck outta here please jusst let me go away, i need it and want it. please im breaking down help me. im lost and dont know what to do anymore. help, help, help. i wish i could leave this hell place called earth. no one knows how i truely feel........

I GOT MY PUPPY!!!!!

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 13:54:05 GMT

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

i got my puppy yesterday. i let the boys name him and they told me that they liked the name Odie but now they want to call him Shaggie. its so cute he cant really walk to good but he wobbles around everywhere its the cutes thing. and when he wants in my lap or on the bed he'll take his little front paws and claw at my lower legs and cries. its so cute. he gets along with my cat Tj really well. they sleep together and they play together. its funny. the kitten beats up the puppy. the only thing is that i have to train him to go to the bathroom outside. its funny to see that pat took him outside for 30 mins and as soon as he brought him inside Shaggie he used the bathroom. but pat loves the puppy. he shows him alot of attention, more then my kitty. but at least he likes them both.

need to update

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 01:15:20 GMT

well tomorrow is the day i get my puppy. pat keeps saying that its going to be is but i dont think so!!!! its my puppy, yes he can play with it and help me take care of me but he cannot keep my baby. thats my puppy. and hopefully he trreats my puppy and kitty the same way. i just cant wait until tomorrow, i get my puppy. i hope that they do get alone together, they should but ill see.

oh for everyone that is going back to ROBINSON this year dont you have a surprise when you see me. lets just put it this way i dont look the same from last year. just a few more days......YAY!!!...not really. i dont want to go back to school. but this is my last year, thank god.

i still dont know about the job. i hope that i get a call soon. if i dont then ill call and find out whats going on. i really do need that job. for the next 2 weeks we have no money cuz my dad had to pay for my stepmother's plane ticket to the phillipines. it cost him more than half his paycheck. so if i want to do anything for the next 2 weeks i have to work for my money. so please let me get the job and i have 2 animals to take care of.

me and pat are doing good. im able to see him tomorrow. he got into trouble for driving my car without a license or a permit. i feel bad that he got into trouble. its my fault that he got into trouble but he doesnt think that it is. and believe it or not me and pat have been together for 8 months and 5 days. god does it feel good to have him and know that he loves me and wont hurt me at all i really do love him alot.

well i think that i have wrote alot already. ill write back in a few more days. buh bye. talk to you guys later.

~*~*~*~britt~*~*~*~

heres an update

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 20:58:55 GMT

well lets see......

alot of things have been happening since i last posted. i went back for my second interview at limited too. i'll find out if i get the job in a few days. i really do hope that i get it. i really do need it. both of my brothers are home, im honestly tired of both of them. they dont want to do anything. i am still cleaning and doing everything and my daad isnt making them do anything at all, i fuckin hate it but hey they will get a dose of what im going through when i move out. one more year and im outta this hell place. my sexy mama is back in town and she moved out of her dads place. now instead of living across town and with him she lives down the street and with her mom. she really does deserve that too. my cousin Ashleigh is having her baby shower on august 14th. i have plan on going i just hope that my car can make it thats the only way my dad will let me go but i dont want to go by myself maybe just maybe i can bring pat but while im at the party he can go over to his cousins house and ill pick him up afterwards and go home. but i just hope that my family dont mind him coming, if not i need to get one of my girlfriends can go with me. well imma go now. write later.

britt

*~*~*~*I GOT A KITTY NAMED "TJ"*~*~*~*
*~*~*~*I GET MY PUPPY NEXT SUNDAY, HIS NAME IS "ODIE"*~*~*~*

long time......

Mon, 12 Jul 2004 19:49:05 GMT

hey everyone. its been awhile since i wrote in here. here's some messages that i need to get out to some people.......

VICKY~
hey sweetie. i miss you and i cant wait until i see you again. it sounds like you are having fun in panama. oh, i know that i havent told you but there is something up that i need to tell you when you get back into town. i dont want some people to know so just call me and ill explain. pat sends his hello's and hopes that you are ok. when you get back and if james dont mind me taking you for a day, we should go out and do something, just us girls. love ya babe.

TARA~
hey i dont know why you are mad at me i didnt do anything to you and i cant understand why you had your little friends call me last night about kenny. we need to either A-talk about it or B-dont talk to each other because i just dont understand why you acted like that plus hurt kenny.

thats pretty much what all i have to say to those people. well, my life is ok. i have an interview for LIMTIED TOO up at International Mall on Wednesday at 12:30. i hope that i get the job. ya its not exactly what i wanted but hey it works. at least its not a ~fast food place~ i couldnt work there....too...too...messy to me. i could handle it but no im ok, ill pass. my brothers will be back soon....rhonny will be back this saturday and perry next saturday. well thats all imma say for now. buh byes. write later.

britt

hehe pat's test....

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 19:37:06 GMT

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
33. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?

wow

Thu, 10 Jun 2004 15:14:14 GMT

i dont know what i will do. i cant stand it when people take back what they say. damn, if you say one thing then dont go back on it. gees.....i honestly cant stand it. why cant people keep their minds made up? one thing that pisses alot of people off is when you say one thing and then you go back on it. come on people. get your things striaght. i just dont know anymore.

next weekend i wont be here and i had plan on spending the time with my baby but no now i cant. surprising it isnt is father saying no that he cant go. he has a class for work that he has to take and its on the day that we are leaving. it starts at 2:15 but we are leaving anywhere between 7am and 9am. my dad just wants to leave early because no tariffic and its about 4 or 5 hour trip there. he doesnt want to want until 5:30 to leave then to get there. so now i cant spend that weekend with my baby but come on what can i do about it? NOTHING!!!! o-well, to bad there goes my plans for that weekend.......:(

Hola people

Sun, 06 Jun 2004 17:12:45 GMT

wow it has been awhile since i wrote. well lets see what all happened in the last past few weeks.........

pat and me arent fighting anymore. the last time we fought was the last day i wrote in my journal.....may 22. mark took a week off of pats groundation. so far me and pat have spent alot of time together and i really do thank his dad for letting us be together this long during the summer while he is grounded. and pat met my mom for the first time a week ago. he calls her mom and my mom told him that if he hurts me she'll be giving him a call and if i hurt him she'll be giving me a call. my mom likes him alot. my grandparents, step-sister, step-dad, and cousin all like pat alot and they are really happy for us. my mom is saying that we are going to end up getting married later on in life and live a wonderful life together.

my parents -dad & stepmom- are fighting still, i honestly wish that it would stop. with them fighting its starting to get to me to were i am ready to hurt my stepmom and so close to saying fuck it and just leave. im tired of everything thats going on in my house. i hate it.

well everything is going really good for me. my cousin is having a baby girl, we are talking about having her move in with me into an apartment with me & pat. she needs help with taking care of her new baby. me and pat dont care just as long as shee helps with everything in the apartment. well imma go now. bye talk later.

britt

man i feel like dieing

Sat, 22 May 2004 23:04:19 GMT

Silent cries

My room is dark

As I await your call

My phone isn't ringing

It hasn't rung at all

My heart is pounding

Why aren't you calling?

My eyes fill with water

But my mouth makes no noise

I donÂ’t want to cry

But I feel I have no choice-

I want no one to hear me

Yet, I want someone to care

But the person I am waiting for

Never seems to be there

Where are you and why arenÂ’t you calling?

I'm holed up in my corner

Confused and bawling

Why donÂ’t you love me?

Why donÂ’t you care?

When will I finally realize

What you do to me... isnÂ’t fair?

I can't control my emotions

And I can't control your life

I look out my bedroom door

Only to see

ThereÂ’s a knife on my kitchen floor

I pick it up

I feel no more

And, all the sudden, I'm on the floor

Surrounded by blood

My body goes numb

Why- over a guy

Must I act so dumb?

I can no longer cry, nor can I sigh

Why did I do this over a guy?

My phone starts to ring

But I cannot get up

The answering machine picks up

It's you and, "we're done."

I can't feel a thing

My body still numb

I cannot cry I have no tears

My eyes are dry at last

and finally... I die

Sucide Choice
Sucide seems like my only way out
Life filled with secrets so much doubt
People come and go nothing remains
People change no one's the same
Eventual death nothing to fear
No shock the day my death is here
Unavoidable thoughts, optional fears
A peacefull end to a not so peacefull life
Life taken but not by a knife
The pills taken swolled down
One last look, no one's around
Drift off into eternail rest
Inside knowing my soul has been blessed
No more of this pain no more of this hate
No more choices , no more debate
You'll never see the pain in my eyes
In the note will say "I hope no one crys"

thats how i feel and right now only 2 people know why. peace. dont be surprised if i am gone. im tired of everything. peace out everyone.
~britt~

wow its been awhile

Fri, 21 May 2004 20:20:40 GMT

hey everyone it has been awhile. well i finally got my earrings, i can finally guage them to a 8!!!!! yay!!!! and now i can guage the other wholes and start my third one. my baby made me promise him that ill let him do it so im just waiting for him to get home. he'll be here about 5 5:30. i got an hour left. how great? but anywho.....school is great my grades are up. oh i can get a full scholarship to a college. but the only thing that i really dont like is that its up in ohio. my mom lives up there, i dont care about moving up there with her being up there. im just worried that my baby wont come with me and he brought up last night that if he gets a full scholarship to a college no matter what he will go there. and it made me think. what if our colleges are so far apart and we start to grow apart? come on i will be outta high school by next year. i dont wanna lose my baby but it went through my mind last night that i mite lose him when we go to college but thats only if we arent by each other. we both dont know exactly which college we are going to either. this just makes everything alot more diffcult. what will i do? i dont want to think about it but i will have to because i do have only 1 year left and he has 2. im honestly scared about what i am going to do. what is a chick to do? i have to go to college and so does he. im not going to stop him from going anywhere but if i cant be with him for 4 years then im fucked and a part of me tells me that we wont make it. if anyone has advice then please let me know what to do.

oh, good news me and pat stop fighting. im so thankful for that and we can see each other more often now. i think that very soon we can see each other like we did in the beginning of our relationship. his best friends jessica and sarah are having a party there is a possibly that we will go. it just depends on what his dad says and what my father says. well imma go i cant really think of anything else, oh ya......'MY MOM WILL BE HERE NEXT SATURDAY!!!!!!!!' im soooooooo happy!!!!!!!!!! bye everyone.

~britt~

heres an update

Sun, 09 May 2004 22:30:15 GMT

life is still just as boring as before, nothing all that new. im happy that my best friend vicky is moving closer to me again. she is too. me her and tara cant wait, we are going to have alot of fun. it will be like none of us home, really ever.

i was talking to pat and my mother today and he is starting to call her mom. that was a little shocking cuz only my girls have ever called her mom before, but its also a wonderful feeling. my mom was shocked and she told me today that she can see us getting married and everything. thats still a long time away -5 or 6 years-......after college....... but its just a weird thing to hear my mom say that and to also know that my father agrees and that both of my parents approve of my baby. that just makes me extremely happy. pat and my dad are always joking around with each other. they are always going back and forth on craking jokes on each other. pat did a real good one earlier on my dad about his chocolate.....lol.

me and pat are doing good. we have been having little fights and agruements more often. i honestly dont like them but it seems like everyday we are getting into them. i cant stand them and i knnow that he cant either but its like we are always getting into one someway or another. i honestly do hate them and i want them to go away. i just cant understand why they are coming up more and more every week or so. i can only think that since i cant really see my baby anymore its like we agrue more. i remember when we have never fought and then shortly after he got grounded for the first 2 months its like we started to argue a whole lot. i just cant stand it anymore. thats all i hear in my household, i dont want it to happen between me and my baby. sometimes i get sooo scared that im afraid the fights are going to go to far and one of us breaks up with the other. i dont want that to happen. im so afraid that it will happen and im not for sure what to do. and the only times we fight or agrue is when i blow up about everything. im scared and i dont know what i should do. well, i feel extremely drained from all this heat so imma go. buh byes.

~*~*~*~britt~*~*~*~

*_____________I LOVE PAT_____________*

i hate everything at this moment in time

Tue, 04 May 2004 23:35:34 GMT

everyday its the same old same old, i wake up in an ok mood sometimes the bestest mood ever but no matter what by the time i go to bed im in the most bitchest mood ever. i know that there are a few things that are helping me become all bitchy but i just cant understand why is it the same thing every single day. sometimes i just wish that i could ball up into a little ball under something so i couldnt be found and no one can bother me. BUT i cant. i have to much shit that i have to worry about and its just driving me fucking crazy. i just wish that sometimes i could just yell at ppl to leave me the fuck alone and i dont need their fucking drama but i cant, i cant do that to my friends. and now with me being all bitchy i know that its pissing my baby off. sometimes it fells like hes just going to blow up at me about it but i know that he wont. it feels like everything is just really trying to break me down until im nothing. what does everyone want from me? do you just want me to leave and never come back? i can easily do that. there are 2 different ways, dieing or moving away so NO ONE can find me. but i CANT!!!!!!!! i cant leave my baby i love him and im sorry for being such a bitch but damn, everyone is making my life like a hell hole. i just feel like they have dug a huge hole and they are all up above me laughing at me because i cant get up, and the more they do to hurt me the further i fall into the hole. and it seems like the only person trying to get me out is pat. but im to far for him to reach me but sometimes he does help me out and i do come out but i always get knocked back in, but WHO CARES?!?!?!?!?! it seems like no one does but my baby. why is everyone doing this to me, its like i cant breath without getting even more pissed off but what can i do? sometimes i do sit here and wonder, what if i wasnt here, what if something happened to me and i die, how would people react? i think the only person who it would really have an affect on will be my baby. possibly my 2 best friends but thats it. my family, HELL NO, im just a huge problem for them, everything i do is wrong to them, its like i cant do anything without getting bitched at form them. nothing is ever good enough for them, its like im the worst person in my family, even though....i dont do drugs, i dont get into trouble with the law, and i have good grades and im going to college, but who is actually proud of me? i cant think of anyone but my baby. why do i have to live this life, the only good thing in my life is my baby and i would be lost without him but who really knows that? NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i honestly hate myself and i honestly think that im not the best person for pat. come on, i know that he loves me but sometimes when i cant even deal with myself he can still deal with me and i know that i bitch alot when im all depressed and i cant understand half the time how can someone deal with that much from one person? he deals with alot from me and i dont mean to be such a bitch to him, its not him that pisses me off and he knows that but i know that he hears it all, every last bit of it when im pissed, and im sorry baby. i really am. and i know that he could find someone better then me, someone who wont bitch at him and who wont worry about alot of things, he needs someone better then me in my own eyes but he has told me over and over and over again that he cant find no one better then me. he loves me and he always will no matter what happens. i know that he is telling me that from the bottom of his heart. he also tells me that i could do better then him but i know that i cant. i love him and i know that i derserve him, and he derserve me. we both have been through alot and we are helping each other through everything and loving each other every step of the way, but honestly, what can i do about all this shit going on, i just can not deal with it, it will come back up and bite me in the ass. im all confused and depressed. if anyone has any good comments to help me through this then please help me but if you are going to be a really ass----you know who you are *anonymous person*------then just pass me by. thanks.

~*~*~*~britt~*~*~*~

wow...

Mon, 03 May 2004 00:39:30 GMT

have you ever felt as if sometimes that you cant just be yourself because the way you are feeling, its like something is going on that is just stopping you from being yourself? i honestly hate when my life gets like that and i start feeling this way. im not exactly sure why i am feeling like this, a part of me is saying that its all because i cant see my baby when i please like i use too and i honestly want to see him but knowing that i cant is just killing me inside. which to me is changing me i havent been the same old me since i have found out that i cant see him. it honestly does hurt me when i cant see him. now im happy that his dad is letting me see him sometimes but i wish i could see him more, mainly over the wekend because thats when i miss him the most, i miss him terrribly when im not with him over the weekend its like a part of me is missing and i dont know what all i am going to do, i honestly just dont know what i am going to do.i just cant wait until june 28. i can finally see him and no one can stop me because thats when he gets off his punishment. it does hurt that i have to wait a month and 3 weeks and 5 days, all together that equals up to 57 days without my baby, and thats counting today. it just hurts me way too much, im just not for sure how i am going to get through all of this. plus im probably getting a babaysitting job mon-fri from 7am-7pm. i wont really be able to see my baby all that much plus when i get home from working ill be so tired that im not going to want to stay up all that late to talk to my baby plus when we are probably able to see him i cant because ill be working. and i will ed that job for a better job when i turn 17 on june 21. i know that ill be working late then and i cant see my baby all that much like i plan, this is going to be soo hard on me, i dont know how exactly i can get through all of this. i really cant. i love him and not beling with him will kill me it really will. i cant stand the thought of losing him and not being with him will really kill me, i dont care what anyone will say, it will honestly kill me, i love him and nothing can stop me. i miss him way to much as it already is now. we only have 19 more days of school. i can only see him those days. 57 subtract 19 is 38 days without me seeing him then take away 2 more days for our 7th month and my b-day in june which is 36 days without seeing him, thats more then a month. how can someone go that long without seeing their loved one? im going to be in so much pain after may 27. i wont see him until june 21, which is almost an entire month, i just wish his dad will let me see him before then, i really do hope so. all i really want is to be able to spend an entire day with him at least once a week. then when he gets off his punishment it can be everyday me seeing him. im not even sure if i will take that babysitting job during june because if im able to see him during the week but im working, and if i cant see him because of im babysitting, it will really hurt me and i will never forgive myself for it. i know that i cant just call them and say i cant come over and babysit because they already said that i cant do that because they need someone that they can count on full time.its extremely painful. its already hurting me that he thinks that he has to have the OK from me to go work with his sisters on weddings for extra cash. i dont want him to have to feel like i have to be fine with it so he can go. ya i honestly dont like it when he does it at night because usally he gets back extremely late and he cant really get enough sleep and if he has to work the next day i know that he is really tired at work. i know it. its just extremely hard knowuing that he wants to work them but he feels like i have to be OK with it before he can work them. i dont want him feeling like that i really dont want him to feel like that i really dont. i want him to do what he wants to do without making sure that its ok with me. im not his mom im his girlfriend i dont want him to think that i have to be fine with everything that he does. like i have heard some of his friends over talking saying that he doesnt hang out with any of them because hes going out with me, that he has completley changed, that hurts me, no one knows how much that hurts hearing that from his friends. sometimes it feels like i am completely taking him away from everything, his family, his friends, his life. just hearing what i hear makesme think that it honestly does hurt me. im not for sure what i am going to do any more. i love him and im not letting him go no matter what happens but i dont know what im going to do about all this pain. it really does hurt me. i have let most of it leave me but i cant help but think about everything and when i do i get like this, what can i do?...........
~*~*~*~britt~*~*~*~

good bye.

Thu, 29 Apr 2004 21:43:28 GMT

ok, this is it, no more journal for me, this is the last time i will write in here. imma go now, buh byes, i dont want anyone to feel like im invading their space so buh byes. ~*~*~*~britt~*~*~*~

GRRRRRRRRR

Tue, 27 Apr 2004 02:19:27 GMT

today has been a weird day. i decided what the hell. ill keep the car my dad bought me. either way he told me that he is going to fixe it for me so im all happy about that. im getting power steeling, tented windows, AC cooler, painted black. so im really happy about that.

one thing that i cant stand is when ppl start asking you all these questions about if your ok. ya i can see them keep asking since i was down and crying earlier but come on if i want you to know i will tell you, besides that please dont bother me about it. i know that your worried about me but ill be fine, ok? now if i come to school with cuts all over me then go ahead and keep asking me but if i dont please dont bother me all that much, please?

thank god, today was a good day for me. a life making decision didnt hit me today. i thank god about that im not for sure if im ready for something like a life making decision so huge that it can make me replan my whole life. im honestly not ready for that yet.

ok well im tired now, buh bye everyone. talk to ya later. BYE!!!!!

~*~*~*~britt~*~*~*~

damn everything

Sun, 25 Apr 2004 06:31:43 GMT

its now 217 am. i was asleep but then i woke up from a bad dream and i cant fall back to sleep no matter how tired i am. so here i am typing away on my damn computer. well today hasnt been the best day every. i cant really talk to my boyfriend because he is with his sisters doing another side job. i hope that they dont cheat him outta what he should get paid like they did last time but if they do there really isnt anything i can do im just a girlfriend. nothing that special. but it sucks that i cant see him or even talk to him right now and that really does get to me big time. hes busy during the week with work and school. sometimes im able to see him, thats if my father is in a good mood. but on the weekends there is no possible way for me to see him at all but hey what can i don about it? last time i checked i cant. so over the weekends so he wont be all depressed he keeps himself all busy to where i cant really talk to him. thats his doing and im not going to stop him, i have no right too anyways. i love him so im not going to stop him from what he wants to do. i just wish i had more time to talk to him over the weekends but there isnt. he wants me to keep busy but there isnt anything to do and when there is something to do i cant do it because its too damn hot in my house since my AC broke. and outta all nights for me to need him and i mean really need him hes not around and i really do need him. i need to just hurry up and get the hell outta my house. my family treats me like shit. my dad is the worst about it, he is ALWAYS going back on his word which really gets me all pissed off. like he had plan on getting me my first car. he told me that it wasnt going to be an brand new car or anything that it will be used but yet i would like it and it will be a very nice car for me. he had plan to get me a black 87 that was really nice, it just got remodled and everything but his friend sold it to someone else, yes i was mad when i found out but whats really bothering me is that after he told me that he promised that i would still get a nice car. well earlier he told me that the piece of shit in our yard thats a 84 ugly ass car, not comfy or anything i dont like it at all. i also drove it on friday cuz my dad didnt feel like driving home. and i hated it. i told him that i didnt like it at all. it is a pain in the ass to drive and tonight he said that it was mine. i told him that i wasnt going to drive that shit and that i didnt want that thing at all. so he broke the copy to the key and threw it at me saying its your key to that piece of shit out there. and i told him that it really blows my mind that he went back on what he said and i even found a nicer car then that. ya it needed a like work but that thing thats so called 'mine' there is no fixing it and he and my father got into it. plus his best friend called me a whore and that i do crack which i dont do and he couldnt even stand up for me after i told him that so my father can go to hell i just cant wait until i move outta here with my baby. well its 236 and im getting extremely tired night.
~*~*~*~britt~*~*~*~

for you know who....hehe

Sat, 24 Apr 2004 02:48:49 GMT

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. When and how did we first meet?
3. What was your first impression?
4. Do you still think that way about me now?
5. What do you think my weakness is?
6. What makes me happy?
7. What makes me sad?
8. What reminds you of me?
9. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. When's the last time you saw me?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
13. Do you think I could kill someone?
14. Describe me in one word.
15. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
16. Do I make you nervous?
17. Would you let me stay with you if I needed somewhere to go?
18. Would you be comfortable being alone with me?
19. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?